Nothing in particular jumped out at me. There were lots of little things.
Little things like-
Eating the same as when I worked my way down to a size 2 when I was pregnant with my daughter but ballooning up 85 pounds. The doctors joked my daughter would be 10 pounds and she would be huge (because I was so huge.) She came out 7 pounds 4 ounces...jerks.
Going back to my doctor for weightloss and plateauing for three months. As a result they discontinued my relationship with them because "I wasn't trying" to lose weight. I followed the diet and exercised the same as I did before...
Then-the bad summer happened. At first I didn't notice it, my husband brought it to my attention that I was "shedding" too much hair in the shower. Now ladies, when you have long hair-you know that it tends to just fall out more. Now his comment was more of a complaint of my failure to clean it out-but the reality was-I did!! Just a lot of hair fell out. It came out in chunks-think of a 2 inch ribbon. That's how much hair was coming out. I was scared to wash my hair because when I messaged it-it would just pull out in chunks.
I had other hormonal issues that occurred and I just about had it. I had to bounce around three different doctors, the first told me I was fine (also implied I was overweight because I was over eating and lazy), the second one ran some tests and couldn't really do anything so he referred me to my third wonderful doctor. Actually he referred me to another doctor-but he was booked up. The young amazing doctor was open-so I went to her. I do think that did make a big difference.
I remember sitting in the room the first time. My hair was in a bun (trying to cover up all the bald spots from the hair loss) and I pulled my pony tail holder out. Gobs of hair floated to the floor, I ran my hand through my hair and an entire full handful came out. "That is definitely not okay."
So then the lab tests began. Now when I tell you I think I've been in a lab if not once every three months for the beginning to then once every three weeks to try to pin point what was wrong with me.
Finally it was concluded I had PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
"The best way to treat PCOS is with weight loss. Weightloss with PCOS is extremely difficult."
No problem, I thought. I can eat tuna, egg whites, salad, whatever it takes.
The problem is-nothing "took."
"PCOS can cause issues with fertility and also can result in infertility."
RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!
Okay-this is when my heart fell in my stomach-I wanted to get pregnant again.
Then the labs came back.
"Right now your hormone levels are not in the right place to have a successful healthy pregnancy."
Okay....so now what?
"Let's try medication A"
Three months later....
"That's not working so let's try medication B"
Three months later....
"Let's add medication C to medication B and see if that helps with your insulin resistance."
What is insulin resistance?
Oh this lovely LOVELY little issue when your body just doesn't play well with glucose.
WHICH IS IN ALMOST EVERYTHING.
Wanna eat a carrot? TOO BAD!
Wanna eat an apple? TOO BAD!
It's all going to turn into fat on your hips, waist and butt. You will have back rolls, arm rolls and a double (or triple) chin-if you try to eat anything normal.
No problem-I'll go on Weight Watchers.
Body "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! NO!"
Yeah....six months with a personal trainer-following their lovely plan and I lost....6 pounds.
Wah wah wah....
So then my amazing acupuncturist (hey don't knock til you try it) who helped me with the cyst pain
by putting one hundred needles in my abdomen (no lie I was tempted to take a pic of my porcupine like stomach-but let's be realistic...I won't take a pic of my stomach for ANY THING) referred me to apparently the best endocrinologist in my city for PCOS/fertility. At this point-I fought the good fight of dieting, exercising daily and doing everything I could possibly do that my doctor told me to do and I was making NO progress. My hair started to grow back-in little spikes everywhere but my cyst pain was awful and I couldn't lose weight.
So off to my amazing endocrinologist. Wham bam-tons of tests, an ultrasound and lots of vials of blood later she told me some pretty amazing things!
One, my pregnancy with my daughter more than likely caused my PCOS.
Great....but she's worth it. Moving on...
Two-since I could get pregnant on my own-chances are I could successfully be pregnant again!!
WOOOOHOOOO!
But there's a big catch-I might have to have "assisted" fertility treatment and/or lots of medication-hormonal therapy for it to happen. Also none if it is guaranteed-so there's also the risk of spending thousands and thousands of dollars for a failed pregnancy.
Three- She wanted me to go to a PCOS/Fertility weight loss doctor-the best in the city...
WOOOHOOOOO! Sign me up!
....and he had a three month weighting (get it-har har) list...
So what it was worth it. I'll lose weight, I'll have a baby and live happily ever PCOS after.
Three months later....
I meet the hardest man to see in my city-no lie. It was amazing the waiting list for him.
They run tests (just take my blood already...) and tests and tests...they weigh me (fuuuuuun) and measure my waist.
The scale-by the way was one of those MASSIVE ones-like the size of my couch. It can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. The nurse told me that they've gotten close (oh myyyyyyyyyy.)
So he and I talk.
He pulls up my labs from all my visits over the past year-
he looks at it.
He asks me about my life.
I tell him.
He then suggests that I remove stress. He highly suggests it. Actually he insist that if I do not remove my large stress factors, I will not be successful in getting pregnant.
What told him? My blood.
Silly blood.
Apparently my job (really more than likely the commute) was the key factor in my body rebelling against me.
Now the major problems happened in the summer...when I wasn't working so why the job?
Because apparently my stress was making my hormones VERY ANGRY.
Apparently my angry hormones are very very bad for pregnancy (oh and of course losing weight too...grrrr)
As for the diet-he told me to eat lots of fat...and salt.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?
Yes, apparently I need to do a low carb diet since I'm insulin resistant which makes sense-but I needed to do a low carb, moderate protein and high fat diet-also known as the ketogenic diet.
Now this diet is pretty insane when you first think about it.
Basically your body runs on glucose. Do you ever get that 3:00-4:00 cranky time? When you need to snack, pass out, take a nap or drink 10 esspressos to fell normal? Yeah.. me too.
Well that is due to blood sugar (glucose.)
So the problem with me-is that my body takes pretty much all my glucose and turns it into fat. It doesn't use it like it should. So I as a result end up exhausted with that 3:00-4:00 cranky time all the time-without the intervention of major caffeine supplies.
I remember the year before having to have a cup of coffee every two hours to keep me going...
yeah. THAT is not normal.
So the ketogenic diet makes you run on KETONES-aka FAT.
What the.....?
Yeah-fat. Like BUTTER. Like animal FAT (think BACON.) Like CHEESE.
OH GLORIOUS CHEESE!! I GET TO EAT CHEESE?!? WELL OKAY THEN.
This...doesn't sound so bad after all.
Well...I still have to calorie count, and it is pretty low.
I still have to hit the gym about two hours a day....(we'll talk about that at another post.)
And I have to take all my stupid meds and supplements. (Vitamin D, B, etc)
So I talk to my better half (the husband) and we talk about if I we can afford to have me stay home for a while.
We research and research and research for two weeks. Then we come to a conclusion that it is do able.
So to be nice to my job (that actually I loved doing for nine years) I resigned to give them enough time to hire someone to take my spot. It was emotional, I cried a lot. There in my bosses office and then for about a week or so after. I still get upset knowing what I left behind.
But I basically had to choose my health (and future pregnancy) or my job.
A really amazing friend and colleague told me that I could always go back. That and I would really enjoy being a full time mommy with my little one.
Luckily my coworkers, my family and my friends supported me.
Some people were mad and were disappointed in my choice-but I don't think they understood my situation.
I spent the past year with major pain-debilitating pain that would leave me curled in ball crying for days and there was NOTHING I could do about it.
Well. Now I am.
I've been on the ketogenic diet since July and I am happy to report I am down 14 pounds.
It has been hard. The diet is strict (no yummy desserts-I have such a sweet tooth) and no occasional glass of wine (or any alcohol for that matter.)
My husband bakes amazing homemade bread-so smelling that is slightly torturous but other than that-it's not so bad.
Now a lot of people do the Ketogenic diet in different ways-
Mine is: 1,400 calories
5% carbohydrates (mostly spinach or broccoli-sometimes cauliflower, asparagus or brussel sprouts)
75-80% Fat (Butter, Eggs, Bacon, Coconut Oil, Olive Oil, Cheese, MCT oil, Coconut Butter, Fatty meats)
20-25% Protein (Obviously meat-fatty kinds)
I have stevia for sweetening tea and other things. I had to cut out sugar free candy because my body doesn't process it well. So I have to be very careful with sweet things (the most I could have of frozen/or fresh berries is a 1/4 of a cup.)
It's been an adjustment. There's been tears. There's been anger and frustration.
There's also been a bit of resentment of my stupid body screwing up my career and metabolism-but hey-this is my only life to live and I really should be as healthy as can be.
I'll try to post updates on here.
I thought staying home would make my life completely stress free-but it's funny how busy I've managed to become! Busy...not stressed though :)
To all my cysters (fellow PCOS girls out there) I send all my love and support. This is a crazy disease that can rip you apart and make you feel helpless. Just trust there are many of us out there that know what you're going through and send you nothing but love and support.
Thanks for reading! Here's to a better tomorrow!!
