We went over my food choices/diet and I asked her a handful of questions that have been in my mind lately about what some keto people try on their diet.
She was happy that I lost 6 pounds from when I saw her. She said I am making great progress.
The thing about pcos is weight loss is always SLOW. Annoyingly slow.
I hate to say it but I get impatient. I feel bad about myself.
I long for the day when...fill in the blank.
I long for the day when...fill in the blank.
Weight loss is more than a number on a scale.
It's about feeling comfortable in your own skin.
It's about feeling comfortable in your own skin.
People treat you very differently when you are thin verses when you are big.
When you are thin, people are much nicer to you. Especially as a woman, men are much nicer to you. I guess if you look attractive you are worthy of their kindness (note sarcasm.) I don't understand why so many men act that way-it's pretty terrible.
Women are hard on other women, almost always.
I do not even think I need to explain that.
I do not even think I need to explain that.
The only thing I am guilty of is getting frustrated and angry that there are many women out there that do not have to work out and can eat anything they want-yet they are always a trim figure and are well toned. They do not have to worry about their macros or their workout schedule.
They wear cute clothes or normal clothes that look cute on them no matter what they do, because they are naturally thin.
When you are bigger, it takes a lot of effort to find things to flatter or cover you.
When you are very large it's about hiding your body. Hiding your flaws.
There is a lot psychologically messed up about that.
There is a shame that comes with a large body that doesn't occur with a thin body.
I go to many exercise classes-I work out between 90 minutes to two hours nearly every day.
I'll give myself a break day-once a week or twice a week if I am extremely sore from my work out the day before. However I am normally perpetually sore from working out. I push myself everyday to be stronger because I refuse to go backwards.
However I can tell you, when you walk into a class and you're one of the largest girls there-the looks the thin ones give you are enough to make you want to walk back out. But I always stay. I think to myself-I am carrying a lot more weight than you but I am going to not only the same exact work out but I am going to make it my mission to do it better than you.
I am going to keep up with you.
I am going to go farther than you.
I am going to go farther than you.
For every nasty condescending look you send my way I will use that as my fuel to be stronger than you. I will defeat you because you have NO IDEA how strong I am. You have NO IDEA what I have been through. When I am finished there will be no question in your mind that I am not only worthy to be in the same class as you but I am far more than an equal.
Also I don't understand the point of going halfway when you made the effort to exercise.
You might as well get the maximum result (for you of course) if you're going to work out.
You might as well get the maximum result (for you of course) if you're going to work out.
So I push myself everyday-in some way.
I get so frustrated.
I want to fit into smaller clothes. I don't want just my current clothes to be baggy-I want to be able to toss my current clothes in the trash bag.
I was told though-it takes time to heal the body when you have a condition like mine.
I need to be patient.
I need to be patient.
So how do I do it?
I pray. I pray about my health, my fertility and hormonal problems, I pray about my weight.
I pray. I pray about my health, my fertility and hormonal problems, I pray about my weight.
I pray for courage, patience and the continued drive to keep going.
Food isn't the enemy at all. I have no issue with my diet.
I feel the best I have felt in years. So something is going right.
I am past feeling disappointed in myself for getting to be the size I am. I understand that my condition set me up for failure and I didn't know what I was up against. Now I do. I am going to work hard everyday to get better. I might not ever get back to being thin again but I sure as heck will try to work hard every day to be better than I was yesterday. Wherever I end up from there will be fine by me.
I just need to keep moving slow and steady...
